by Peggy Blair
In spring, along with spring showers, comes a new crop of bloopers! Perhaps my favourite one this month was: “INDROUND POOL.” I hope it’s not a Freudian slip.
Although a Freudian slip is about all you could store in this listing’s master bedroom: “Master bedroom has double cloths closet.”
A double cloth-sized closet seems well suited for the tenant in this new listing: “Long term stable tenant hat is willing to stay.” The rest of the tenant’s unstable wardrobe, I guess, is out looking for new accommodations elsewhere.
When it comes to storage, this listing seems pretty specific: “The coverall garage will be left with the property.” Now there’s a home for the trades!
As you know, some properties have gorgeous gardens, while others come with beautiful waterfalls and ponds. But this was a new one for me.
Frequent contributor Barb Jacobsen, a sales representative with Century 21 Leading Edge Realty in Stouffville, Ontario, stumbled across a listing with a “Bubbling stream running through this quaint 2-bedroom bungalow.” Perhaps the Realtor meant a babbling brook, but one that runs through your house? Not sure that’s a selling point. Still, you have to admit it beats the heck out of an aquarium.
Barb found another great one, a home “backing onto a raven.” Ouch! I’ll bet that raven wasn’t too happy.
Speaking of getting run over, there was this listing’s remarks: “Just take a few steps off the beaten streets.”
I stumbled across this unintentional gem: “Summer haven with sparking outdoor pool and patios.” Ah yes, that lovely feeling of being tasered while you’re enjoying a crisp margarita at the side of the pool. At least a bubbling creek won’t zap you, although it might “dround” you.
Speaking of getting zapped, I came across this new listing that proclaimed it was, “BOOSTING OVER 2500 SQ FT. WITH ADDITIONAL SPACE IN THE REC-ROOM.” Imagine the size of those jumper cables!
No need for jumper cables in this listing, however, which features a “bright living room of the gas fireplace and separate dining area plus a power room.”
Claude Jobin and Molly Hoyle, both sales representatives with Royal LePage Team Realty in Ottawa, found this listing with an unusual feature: “new berber carpet on stairs, handrail.”
I must confess, that’s a new application of carpet for me, but at least it would be easy on the hands.
The same listing advertised a “New kitchen with potlights, floor and island.” Glad to hear the kitchen comes with a floor instead of a “bubbling stream,” although a floor is something we usually expect to come with a property as part of the package.
Just like little Russian nesting dolls, this new listing has a “TV included in the sale in the one found in the main floor living room.” Split screen, perhaps?
I laughed at this listing for a “bright 3 bedroom family home located in the heat of Hintonburg!” Hintonburg is a very hot Ottawa market indeed.
It’s so hot, you apparently make money doing almost anything, as another listing in the same area claims you can, “Peddle thirty seconds w/a basket on your bicycle!”
Here’s another recent listing that made me giggle: “Gourmet kitchen features granite and quartz counters, island and patio doors leading to private backyard with modern bar area and 3 piece bathroom serving the movie watcher, gym enthusiast and games table players.”
Talk about entertaining! You don’t even have to come inside to use the washroom, although from the sounds of it, it might get a little crowded. And if you’re not a movie watcher, gym enthusiast or games table player it sounds like you might need to use the bushes.
All this casual entertaining is a far cry from this new listing, which features an “alcove for your formal diners.” Ah, yes, I can see the guests now, standing around awkwardly in their long dresses and tuxedos, watching the line up for that backyard washroom.
Sometimes a typo results in a new word that I’m guessing isn’t exactly what the REALTOR® intended. Like this one, for example: “This stunting newly built contemporary open concept townhouse is close to downtown.” Or this “Impeccable 4 bedroom freehold, in thought after area.” No doubt a case of buyer’s remorse.
I love this listing, which comes with a “New roofer and Windows.” Surely, that’s a feature worth paying for!
And finally, I was quite taken with this recent listing, which “has a newer roof, floofing.”
I think we should all “floof” our houses for re-sale, don’t you? Now there’s a new business for stagers, and one you could probably peddle for more than 30 seconds, even without a basket.
— The above article was originally published in REM. Peggy Blair is a sales representative with Royal LePage Team Realty in Ottawa.