We’re plagued daily by little irritations, new experiences and strange new habits that reduce us to helpless creatures, fighting to overcome the trivial annoyances of everyday life. And, we notice all this even more as we get older.
For example:
• You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
• You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
• You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
• You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
• Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
• You pull up in your own driveway and use your cellphone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
• Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
• Leaving the house without your cellphone — which you didn't even have the first 20 to 60 years of your life — is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
• You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
And then there’s getting older and older. Suddenly, you start noticing that:
• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
• No one expects you to run — anywhere.
• People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now won’t wear out.
• You can eat supper at 4 p.m.
• You can live without sex, but not your glasses.
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• You sing along with elevator music.
• Your eyes won’t get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
• Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than Environment Canada.
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
• Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
• When people say you look “great,” they add “for your age.”
• When you needed the discount, you paid full price. Now you get discounts on everything from movies, hotels and flights, but you forget to ask for them or you lost the coupon.
• You forget names, but it's okay because other people forget they even knew you.
• The five pounds you wanted to lose is now 10 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than 10 pounds.
• You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything, especially golf.
• Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don’t remember, either.
• You sleep better in a recliner with the TV on than you do in bed. Go figure.
• You used to say, “I hope my kids get married.” But now you say, “I hope they stay married.”
• You miss the days when everything worked with just an on and off switch, and when Google, I-pod, e-mail, and modem were unheard of.
• A “night out” ends at 9 p.m.
• What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
• Everybody whispers.
• You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear.