Wonderful world of whimsy

An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian woman walking a dog on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.

 The woman couldn’t stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the Italian woman walking the dog and said: “I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I’ve never seen a Italian funeral like this.   Whose funeral is it?”

“My husband’s.”

“What happened to him?”

“He yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed him.”

 She inquired further, “But who is in the second hearse?”

 The Italian woman answered: “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”

 A very poignant and touching moment of Italian sisterhood and silence passed between the two women.

“Can I borrow the dog?”

 The woman replied, “Get in line.”

Did they get zero on this exam?

1. In which battle did Napoleon die? 

Answer: His last battle.

2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? 

Answer: At the bottom of the page.

3. River Ravi flows in which state? 

Answer: Liquid.

4. What is the main reason for divorce? 

Answer: Marriage.

5. What is the main reason for failure? 

Answer: Exams.

6. What can you never eat for breakfast? 

Answer: Lunch and dinner.

7. What looks like half an apple? 

Answer: The other half.

8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea, what will it become? 

Answer: Wet.

9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? 

Answer: No problem, he sleeps at night.

10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 

Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? 

Answer: Very large hands.

12. If it took eight men 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? 

Answer: No time at all, since the wall is already built.

13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 

Answer: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

The boots

A teacher's aide was helping one of the kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots. He asked for help and she could see why. 

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn’t want to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a glow. 

She almost cried when the little boy said, “Teacher, they’re on the wrong feet.” 

Sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the correct feet. 

He then announced, “These aren’t my boots.” 

She was stunned, but bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, “Why didn't you say so?,” as she wanted to. 

Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they removed the boots, when he said: “They’re my brother’s boots. My mom made me wear them.” 

Now, she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots onto his feet again. 

Helping him with his coat, she asked, “Now, where are your mittens?” 

He said, “I stuffed them in the toes of my boots so I wouldn’t lose them.”