We’re only a few weeks into 2012 and I’ll bet most of you have already forgotten your hastily conceived New Year’s resolutions. It makes you wonder why we bother making them in the first place.
Resolutions usually surface during the New Year’s Eve celebration, often fuelled by copious amounts of your favourite beverage. Theoretically, we make a serious commitment to these resolutions of self-improvement, weight-loss, time-management, character-improvement, saving money, etc. But, alas, even before the new month is over, we've completely forgotten these well-meaning ideas. Although, it’s amazing how well our spouses remember such promises of improvement.
“Resolution making” every year seems closely akin to “Christmas card sending” — it’s just something we usually do out of habit or tradition. On the other hand, both these customs are admirable if thoughtfully planned and carefully undertaken. But, if they’re done “just because,” then maybe a re-evaluation is in order.
In the case of resolutions, do you suppose anyone really sticks to a promise made at the beginning of the year any more than they would if it were made in July? The motivation in January, of course, is a fresh start to the New Year — a clean slate, past mistakes forgotten and new opportunities presenting themselves. But, what sounds good in the alcoholic haze of New Year’s Eve may not stand the test of time and a sober reality.
At any rate, with tongue-in-cheek, let's consider a few resolutions you may want to commit to — or maybe not! Either way, they’ll be forgotten before this month fades into February!
Resolve to:
• Take down the outdoor Christmas lights before June.
• Get going on the Christmas cards early.
• Use that exercise bike you bought two years ago.
• Be grateful that the year will not be cluttered up with Michael Jackson’s doctor’s trial.
• For a change, let your spouse have the last word.
• Not get so angry when the monthly credit card statement arrives.
• Cut back on spending. Sure, right.
• Not pester the kids so much about:
a. Cleaning their room.
b. Doing their homework.
c. Hanging up their clothes.
d. Practicing their music.
e. Putting their dirty dishes in the dishwasher.
f. Bringing home important school information sheets.
g. Eating their peas.
h. Organizing that hockey equipment storage corner.
On second thought, there’s no way we can stop doing these things. Pestering must, by parental necessity, continue. Sorry kids, we’ll have to retract this resolution.
• Shovel the driveway within two days of each new snowstorm, instead of letting snow and ice build up into those maddening mounds and ruts.
• Try to get off those bulk mailing lists.
• Figure out exactly how those long-distance telephone “savings plans” work.
• Start indoor-planting of seeds in February, as you always said you would but never did.
• Avoid making these New Year’s resolutions next year.
• Not pick up those glossy “sun-spot” travel brochures that frighten your bank account.
• Get started on your income tax return early this year.
• Not fall victim to “impulse” buying in stores.
• Not watch any of those reality TV shows about weirdos, perverts, sexual aberrations and dysfunctional families, even though we all have a slight morbid curiosity about them.
• Find out, once and for all, where that annoying “rattle” is in your car trunk before it drives you crazy.
• Finally finish one of the 10 pocket books you started last year.
• Learn how to operate the TV/PVR/DVD-player/iPad/iPod/MP-3/GPS, etc.
• Delete from your wardrobe all the clothes that are now:
a. Out of style.
b. Too small. although you can’t bring yourself to admit it.
c. So old that your kids wear them to ’60s Dress-up Day at school.
• Clean out the kitchen catch-all drawer and finally throw out all, or at least some, of that junk.
• Watch all those movies and specials you PVR-ed but never got around to seeing.
• Fill-up the car gas tank before it reads empty.
• Try to wean yourself from watching the Kardashian family.