Wonderful world of golf whimsy


As you mentally prepare for your next foray to the fairways, have a chuckle over this golf whimsy.
Great lines of golf
• The only thing in my bag that works is the bug spray.
• Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
• I’ve had a good round when I didn’t fall out of the cart. 
• At the first tee, my body is there, but my mind has already teed off.
• Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play softball.
• The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul it again.” 
• A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well.
• Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer. 
Golf, go figure 
You hit down to make the ball go up. You swing left and the ball goes right. And the lowest score wins.
Old age and treachery
A  father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them. 
She explained that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency that called him away and asked the trio if she could join them. 
Naturally, the guys all agreed and invited her to drive first. 
She then hit the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green. 
After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots, the blonde took out an eight iron and lofted the ball within five feet of the hole, subsequently tapping in the five-footer for a birdie. 
For the rest of the round she continued to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole.
When they arrived at the 18th green, the blonde was three under par, and had a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par. 
She turned to the three guys and said: “I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot. But I need this putt for a 69 and I’d really like to break 70 on this course. So  if any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole I’ll buy him a steak dinner.”
The yuppie son jumped at the thought. He strolled across the green, carefully eyeing the line of the putt and finally said: “Aim about six inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little mound and break right into the cup.”
The father knelt down and sighted the putt using his putter as a plumb. “Don't listen to the kid,” he said. “You want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and let it run left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.”
The old gray-haired grandfather walked over to the blonde's ball, picked it up and handed it to her, saying, “That’s a gimme.”