Not only is the beginning of a new school year a big deal for kids, so is moving to a new home.
Do you remember your childhood home? The colour on the living room walls, the creak of a particular floor board, the way the light came in from the kitchen window? Or did you have more than one home growing up? Perhaps you moved once, twice, or even more, throughout your childhood.
Moving homes as a kid is serious business. New room. New routine. Maybe even a new school and new friends, if your family moved far enough. If you’re a parent trying to navigate both closing documents and a child who’s adjusting to change, here are some ways you can help your child embrace the process of moving homes.
How to prepare your kids for a move
• Have an honest conversation as a family about why the move is happening and what it means for them.
• Involve your kids in making decisions, where appropriate, like going to open houses and asking about what they might like in a new home.
• Ensure they feel safe and supported as they work through their emotions.
Children are observant and can understand more than we often give them credit for. So, when we look into how to make a move easier on them, help them understand why the family is moving in the first place. Nita Agustin, better known as ‘The Spunky Counsellor’ to her clients, is a registered clinical counsellor based in Burnaby, British Columbia. Specializing in working with youth and young adults, she shares her thoughts on what motivates a family to make a major life decision, like moving homes.
“Honestly, it’s rarely ever just one thing,” Agustin comments. “For most families, the decision to move is a mixed bag, there are often multiple layers driving the change. Sometimes, it’s about the adults — maybe a new job opportunity, financial goals, or relationship changes like divorce or moving in with a new partner. Other times, the kids are at the heart of the decision.”
Have an honest, yet age-appropriate, conversation with your child about why you’re moving: is it because you got a new job, or so that another sibling could have access to a specialized program, or simply because you saw a better home for sale?
“The way kids adjust depends a lot on the ‘why’ behind the move and whether they were involved in the decision or had any say,” adds Agustin. “When the move is sudden or driven by adult circumstances (like work relocations or new relationships), kids may need extra support to process the change, make new friends, and feel safe again in their new surroundings.”
What to do during your move
• Get your children excited about their new neighbourhood by going for walks or drives through the area together.
• Help your child see the positive benefits of moving by sharing the bonuses of moving, like a larger room or pool in the backyard.
• Listen to them so they feel seen and heard, acknowledging that this is a big change for everyone.
How much should you involve your children in the process of moving? According to Gemma Wilson, a REALTOR® with Maven Real Estate Group based in Coquitlam, British Columbia, the answer depends on a single question: how old are the children?
“We’ve had families move cities to be closer to their immediate family for childcare help. When they are a bit older, it’s a discussion on opportunities to create new connections with friends through schools, activities and community,” shares Wilson. “Younger children are a bit more resilient whereas pre-teens/teens are concerned about the social aspect they are moving into.”
Beyond the practical reasons behind the move, you can help your child understand the positive impacts the move will have on them directly, such as having their own room, a larger yard to play in, or closer access to a certain park or amenity they like.
It seems that according to both Agustin and Wilson, a one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t quite work when helping children embrace moving homes. No matter what level of involvement you deem appropriate for your child, Agustin emphasizes that even just having them involved in the first place is extremely helpful during this transitional period.
“Ultimately, the goal is to help kids feel seen, heard, and considered, even if the final decision rests with the parents,” Agustin shares. “Moving can be destabilizing, but when children are included in a thoughtful way, it can also be an opportunity to strengthen connection and resilience.”
Helping your child after the move is complete
• Provide your child with time and space to adjust to their new home by letting them express their emotions freely.
• Make decorating and setting up your home fun by involving them in the process and finding projects they can help with.
• Give yourself grace as a parent — you’re doing your best!
Time and space heal all, or at least, that’s what the cliches have us believe. But when it comes to the period of time for children after moving homes, there might be some truth to this sentiment.
Each child might react differently in the days, weeks, and months after a big move. One child might adjust with little to no issue. Another child might have a difficult time expressing their feelings. Parents can give their children, as well as themselves, some grace during this adjustment period, according to Agustin.
“First, I want to say, most parents I meet are doing the absolute best they can with the resources and timing they have. No one sets out to make a move that leaves their kids struggling,” Agustin says. “Moving is one of life’s more stressful events, even when it’s for all the right reasons. There’s a lot of uncertainty, a lot of adjustment, and it can be emotional for everyone involved.”
Have an open dialogue as a family about how everyone is doing and feeling. Involve your children in the process of decorating and furnishing the home. Explore your new neighbourhood, and let yourself have fun while doing so.
“In the early days, things may feel especially hard. New routines, unfamiliar spaces, the emotional weight of leaving behind what was comfortable… it’s a lot”, Agustin acknowledges. “But I’ve also seen so many stories where, over time, families grow into their new lives in ways they never expected. Some even look back and realize it was one of the most enriching things they ever did.”
No matter how old or how young your child is, moving homes is a transformational and life-changing moment in time for you and your entire family.
You might miss your old home and the things you found comfortable within it, but in your new home, there will be new colours to enjoy. New sounds to hear. New light coming in from the windows.
It will just take time and space: it’s as simple (and as complicated) as that.
— REALTOR.ca