Some severe cases of confusion

In the heat of the moment, we often say the most ridiculous things. If you’re angry, nervous, excited, upset, inebriated, or just temporarily empty-headed,  the thoughts get jumbled coming out of your brain, and then get totally de-railed as they emerge from your  mouth or get scrawled onto paper.  It happens to all of us from time to time, but some people suffer from a more severe case of confusion than others.
Letters received by the government:
• “Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children, one of which is a mistake as you will see.”
• “I cannot get sick pay. I have six children. Can you tell me why this is?”
• “I am glad to report that my husband who was reported missing is now dead.”
• “In  answer to your letter and according to instructions I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.”
• “I have no children as my husband is a bus driver and works day and night.”
Letters received at school:
• “Chris will not be in school today because he has an acre in his side.”
• “Jimmy did not do his homework because I did not understand it.”
• “Bridget was not at school yesterday because she was nauseating.”
• “My son is under the doctor’s care and should not take fizical ed. Please execute him.”
• “Tommy was hurt yesterday playing football. He was kicked in the growing part.”
• “Please excuse Diane from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.”
• “Barbara was not at school yesterday because her mother was having a baby. It is not likely she will be missing school again for the same reason.”
• “Cindy cannot have gym. She fell out of a tree and misplaced her hip.”
Letters received by car insurance companies:
• “My car turned sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible truck.”
• “I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been knocked over before.”
• “I consider that neither vehicle was to blame, but if either was to blame, it was the other one."
• “My vehicle was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.”
• “I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.”
• “I told the other idiot exactly what he was and drove on.”
• “I had to leave my car for a minute, when, by accident or design, it decided to run away.”
• “A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that it was half-witted.”
• “I collided with a stationary tree.”
• “I ran into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife’s legs.”
• “To avoid a collision, I ran into the other car.”
• “One wheel went into the ditch. My feet jumped from the brake to the accelerator, leapt across the road and jumped into the trunk of a tree.”
• “An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.”
• “I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”