It’s the merriest season of the year, so here’s a few Christmas laughs to get you in the mood:
• Whoever said, “Talk is cheap,” never listened to a youngster telling his parents what he wants for Christmas.
• Christmas is the season when parents buy this year’s presents with next year’s money.
• Harry and Charlie are chatting about how expensive Christmas is becoming. Charlie said, “You know, the gift I’d really like to get this Christmas is a five-pound box of money.”
• Definition: A Christmas loser is a guy who goes to the zoo to pick up some Christmas Seals.
Children’s letters to Santa Claus:
• “Dear Santa: This is the last letter that I can write to you because next year I won’t believe in Santa Claus anymore.”
• “Hi Santa! Please be sure to leave a really nice present for my Mom and Dad. And please leave a present for my big brother, too, but it doesn’t have to be as nice.”
• “Dear Santa: I would really like a puppy for Christmas this year. Or a cat. Or a snake. P.S. — My Mother doesn’t know about the snake.”
• “Dear Santa: I am writing to you for my little brother Anthony. Please be sure to leave him some nice presents that we can both play with.”
• “Dear Santa Claus: I really need a new skateboard for Christmas. The one I have now crashes too
much.”
• “Dear Santa: Last year you gave my brother a huge squirt gun. This year, I need one too, so that I can squirt back.”
• “Dear Santa: This year, can I please have boxing gloves for Christmas. I really want to surprise my best friend.”
• “Dear Mr. Santa: This Christmas I would like to get a dog. Next Christmas I’d like a cat, and the Christmas after that I’d like a horse. P.S. — I don’t know what animals I will want after that.”
Christmas is:
• Christmas is the season when we give our children toys that their father can enjoy playing with.
• Christmas is the time of year when the radio keeps you awake until three in the morning playing Silent Night.
• Christmas is when your bank account is “seasonally adjusted.”
• Christmas is when stores start their seasonal decorating earlier and earlier every year. It’s getting so that there’s more dust on their artificial trees than ornaments.
• Christmas is when millions of parents gather up their kids and go to Grandma's house for Christmas dinner, because there’s something about it they can’t resist — the price.
• Christmas is the time of year when you can really tell who the old hands are at office parties. They apologize on the way in.
• Christmas is that very special time of the year when you learn the true meaning of those immortal words, “batteries not included.”
Christmas quotes:
• It was a harried shopper who said: “More and more I get the feeling that what we’re really celebrating at this time of the year is the birth of advertising, salesmanship and merchandising.”
• A father was explaining the story of Mary and Joseph to his son and described how they had to stay in a stable.
“What's a stable?” his son asked.
“Think of it as your bedroom without all the electronics,” his father replied.
• It was a business mogul who said, “Tis the season to be jolly, while looking for a last minute tax shelter.”
• Wife to husband: “Let’s make sure that we just buy practical gifts for each other this Christmas. Let’s see. You need a drill and I need a new car.”